The Newborn
by horn-head
Summary: Sirius held it out at arm’s length.  Great, it had a dirty nappie.  How was he supposed to fix that?  Was there some kind of spell for it or something?  Short oneshot about Sirius, Remus, and a dirty diaper.  Happy birthday, Prof.


**Author's Note: Well, I realise this is the second little one shot that I've done (At least in quite a long time) and all, but Prof wanted to know why I hadn't posted the story I wrote for her. So, here it is. Prof's birthday present. Even shorter than my last one, but I think it shows Sirius accurately. R&R, please!**

* * *

James studied the three faces in front of him. They were all three devoted to his new son, but none had any real experience with child care. He considered carefully. Lupin looked nervous at the very idea of holding such a fragile creature. Although great with little ones, he seldom realized it. Peter was out of the question all together. He should be the one to be nervous holding Harry, not Lupin. Instead, he looked excited by the prospect. Well then, Sirius was the only alternative. He was a bit wild, and he had never held a child before, but he would do alright. Besides, Remus would be right there to make sure he did things properly. 

"Here," said James. "You hold him while I owl Dumbledore and tell him the good news."

Sirius gulped and shrank back. "What? No, mate, you want Remus to hold it. I mean, I know I'm the godfather and everything, but give it to him."

Remus raised an eyebrow at him and shook his head. "First of all, Harry's not an 'it,' he is a human being just like you and I." He considered for a moment. "Well, maybe not like you. And secondly, you're entitled to get to know the boy that could very well end up as your responsibility one day. It wouldn't do to have a godfather that he hardly knows, would it?"

The animagus frowned. "But he's so tiny and breakable. I'll get to know him when he's older and can handle playing with me. You do it, you're better at all of this."

James held up his hand to stave off Remus's reply and gave Sirius one of his own. "Alright, but just so you know, babies attract ladies. But, if you want Moony to be the one with a crowd of St. Mungos nurses around him, I don't think he'll mind."

Padfoot sat up straight and grinned. "You know, Moony, you're right. He IS my godson after all and it wouldn't do for us to be strangers."

As he handed him the baby, James ruffled Sirius's hair. "That's the spirit, Pads. Now, I'm off to Owl Dumbledore. Don't break my son." With that, he hurried away.

Sirius held it out at arm's length. Great, it had a dirty nappy. How was he supposed to fix that? Was there some kind of spell for it or something? Extracto Shite-O or something? And why did it stare at him like that? "Remus?"

"Yes, Padfoot?"

"What do you do about a dirty nappy?"

"I don't do anything, Padfoot. I sit and laugh as the goofy godfather has to figure out how to change it."

"So, I just take that one off and put a new one on?" Sirius asked dubiously.

"Well, don't forget about wiping off what is on him and putting the powder on," Remus replied, anticipating a very entertaining sight.

Sirius's face was a mask of horror. "I have to put my hand on his arse and get that stuff off?"

"They have wipes for it, you wouldn't have to use your hand." Remus's smile grew a bit wider.

Sirius thought for a moment before saying, "Moony, I'll pay you ten galleons to do that for me."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You know, you will have to learn to do it yourself."

"I will learn to do it! I just need to see it done once first," Sirius exclaimed.

Remus took the baby from the outstretched hands and carried him over to the changing table. "Fine, Padfoot. But you get to carry the dirty one to the trash can. I assume you know how to throw things away?"

Sirius grinned at him and took up position by Harry's head to watch. "'Course I can. I just choose not to. Oy, I'm glad Harry looks like Lily. It'd be weird watching a little mini-James grow up."

Remus opened the nappy and almost retched. "Not to mention exhausting. Sirius, try to entertain Harry for me. This will take a while."

Sirius thought for a moment before brightening. "Well, once upon a time there was a boy named Harry. Harry loved playing Quidditch and going to see his best godfather in the whole wide world, Sirius. One day, Harry's daddy gave him a red robe to wear when he rode around on his broom. Harry called it his little red riding robe."

Remus gave Sirius a warning glance and growled, but Sirius continued. "A few days later, Harry's daddy gave him a basket full of goodies to take to his godfather (who is the best in the world, don't forget) and set him off on his way."

Getting into the story now, Sirius didn't notice Remus's face getting red. "Along the way to Sirius's house, Harry met a wolf named Remus. Remus stopped him and asked him where he was going and Harry told him that he was off to see the best godfather ever. The wolf sniffed at the basket and asked if he could have a bit to eat, but Harry knew this wolf. Offer him one bite of your pumpkin pastie and the next thing you know, he's licking the last of the crumbs off his fingers."

Remus lifted Harry to put the clean nappy underneath and grumbled, "It only happened one time Sirius, I don't know why you keep on about that."

Sirius continued. "So Harry told him that it was all for the best godfather ever and Remus ran off to go take the place of Sirius so that he could have all of the goodies. But what Remus didn't know was that Sirius was also the strongest wizard ever and he tied him up in a pretzel and threw him in the closet, never to eat pumpkin pasties again. The End."

Watching as Remus did the last fastening on the nappy, Sirius asked, "Should I tell him another one?"

Remus paused. "No, Sirius. Harry is happy and clean now. Why don't you give me my ten galleons and take him out into the hall and see how many women you can pick up before James comes back?"

Sirius grinned as he tenderly lifted the newborn from the basinet. "Sounds like a good idea." He went to the doorway and around the corner saying, "Harry, have you ever heard the story of the three little pigs?"

Flopping down into a chair, Remus sighed. Bloody git always knew how to have all the fun while he stuck everyone else with the crap.

* * *

Happy now, Prof:p

And many thanks to Nineties Kid, who corrected me on the correct term for diapers in England. :p


End file.
